Stuck in a Life Module: The Deja Vu We Wish We'd Get Passed.

Open Tab of a Creator's Mind.

As a best friend of the best friend committee says:

It takes longer for some.

You ever relive the same module repeatedly, so many times that you feel like you should have bypassed this level in life?

This is going to sound strange. But allow me to walk you down memory lane. Do you have a family member who continuously borrows from you? Under similar circumstances? And under those similar circumstances provides you the same broken promises? But you give anyway. Or maybe you don't. Choices.

Ok. Maybe that's not familiar.

Do you have a friend in your circle who constantly complains about his/her spouse? Usually calls around the same time of the month or season of the year? With the same complaints? And you continue to listen OR maybe you ignore the phone calls. Decisions.

Listen ... if none of these scenarios sound familiar. Just think of a pattern in your life that you keep reliving. I'm reliving one now. And I tend to meet that same set of circumstances with the same response. I have been for the past year. You know it's not deja vu until you recognize the pattern.

Furthermore, this is an overload. I know. I'm in my "riddle me this voice" because I don't want to focus on the repeated pattern, the module. It occurred again, this time, last year, similar set of circumstances, different players. 

Instead, I would like for you to focus on the meaning of meeting the same set of circumstances with the same response. It calls for some decoding, a task that is hampered down with other important tasks. But now looking at it using another's lens, what's the Universe trying to tell me?

Some lawyer is reading this and thinking: habit. 

It's exactly that in the legal world. But what's more, in your psycho-analytical world, it's a failed mission. This is my guess. We wouldn't be repeating scenarios, reliving certain sets of circumstances and meeting them with the same response if we were not continuously failing the mission. I'm failing this mission. And I'm supposed to be good at puzzles. But I never completed this puzzle, this module 'priority.' A quick brush off, and I'm typically back in business.

With that said, it is time to get pass this module. I'm exhausted from seeing a different set of players under the same circumstances. I only played Mario 3 but so much as a kid before I moved onto another game. Not sure if you got to give up the game to pass the module or find a secret door. Only time will tell this time around.

Sh*t Gets Hectic. The Level Up process is exhausting. What will you change about your behavior today to pass the module and level up?

Additionally!! Further Commenting on AWP Episode 4| Culturally Developed Relationships

Recently, I had the pleasure of recording A Woman's Playground, episode 4, where I prompted a discussion between myself and podcast mates about Simone, a Married to Medicine cast member, and her husband having a female best friend and how her husband's best female friend interferes with their relationship. But instead of delving further into this scenario, I wanted to add a few tidbits to the conversation that was recorded on this episode. 

Culturally Developed Relationships

The cure to insecurity besides self-actualization (getting to know and realizing self) and self-love (putting such knowledge into practice) is making sure that your relationship with your mate/husband is culturally developed. My other podcast mates agreed that insecurity is a major reason as to why a man or woman cannot feel comfortable with their mate having a best friend of the opposite sex. I, however, believe that it isn't insecurity; I think it's that gut feeling that you get when you know that the best friend relates better to your mate than you do. In other words, the embrace of the relationship, the voluntary embrace of relating to one another as between two lovers, is not natural. And therefore, the relationship shared with your mate just doesn't naturally flows. And since it doesn't naturally flow, the compatibility is low, reflecting that you and your mate are not a great match. Does that makes sense? It's not that your mate's best friend is intentionally tearing the relationship a part (although this happens), but your mate and his relationship with his best friend's  shows you everything your relationship with your mate is not.

From day one, when two persons meet and begin to relate to one another, they begin to develop a culture for their relationship. That is, how they communicate with one another, designate the nature and purpose of their relationship, design dating patterns (date night, special occasions, birthdays), decide how to celebrate holidays and observe religious holidays, and how (if at all) we relate to each others' friends and families. If one treats the aforementioned as topics and as foci that deserve attention, then two persons can begin to develop a culture in their relationship. In focusing on these things, two persons can develop expectations in their relationship. For example, if it was typical that Cecil, Simone's husband, ventures off with his friends in the event they both experience a misunderstanding, then Cecil leaving should not have been a problem. Was it a problem because Cecil spent a lot of time with his best friend or that his best friend is a woman or that this relationship developed during the course of Simone-Cecil's relationship?

Personally, I absolutely hate to stick around for a heated argument to fester. That's when the cops get called. No man or woman should feel compelled to stay in the home with an upset lover. Going to the next room is still too close for comfort. There's been plenty of times when I chose to walk away and hang out with friends to decompress. Reconvening at a later time for a healthy discussion is reasonable. I don't know about y'all, but I intend to maintain my fitness to practice law. Perhaps there's a professional license, certification, or job that you fought hard for that you're trying to keep also. Staying in an unhealthy situation is certainly an occupational hazard. There's no doubt about it. 

On the show, Simone threatened divorce in the event Cecil left to go on a golfing trip. This seems ridiculous to me. If someone threatened divorce or breakup on the occasion that I physically leave an unhealthy environment, I'd still leave. Because what's worst? You have to pick the lesser of two evils and put your safety, your sanity, and your career over your mate's temporary feelings. Nothing about this ultimatum resembled emotional intelligence. That is my major concern here. 

Further, when we fully develop a culture with our mate, we can find peace in those expectations. That is, if the culture are based on certain principles, like peace, love, respect, loyalty, and integrity, we can almost predict our mate's future behavior and accept it without becoming undone because the principles and the behavior become a part of the relationship's culture. There's your security! Know your mate! So long as Cecil had not intention on committing infidelity with the woman and did not commit infidelity, the bigger picture would remain as maintaining a healthy marriage. Some of us have removed infidelity as a worst fear and will stick around anyway, having defined a new "tipping point" that is grounds for divorce. Everyone's different. Beyonce is still sticking with Jay-Z amid the public embarrassment and humiliation, and wouldn't you? If you had your reasons?

Personally, I wish to grow in my relationship with my person. Growing together is the commitment I desire to make with my mate and loyalty above anyone else. Such a statement leaves a gray area. I bet you're wondering if cheating is a breach of loyalty and if its reconcilable in my book. But that's not important here. What's important is that your commitment is planting these seeds, watering them, and ensuring their sunlight ... and doing all of these things with me ... if in a marriage ... Then for a lifetime ... And please expect that on a hot summer's night, when the room is full of fright, I'm walking out on you, and I'll see you tomorrow. So relax; we're on a journey.

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