5 Things I learned from The Affair I'm Having

I'm having an affair with a Showtimes series: The Affair. As soon as I get home or right before I go to sleep (just before 2 am), I watch two episodes, about a hour long each. I have to be up around 6 a.m. twice a week, so timing is everything.

The Affair is taking a substantial amount of my time. It's only been a week, and I'm nearly through the first season. I'm obsessed. I'm estranged from everything and everyone because I'm glued to my TV, watching Alison and Noah experience their affair. I honestly feel like I'm a fly on the wall. The shaky camera and in-depth shots make me feel like I'm in the room ... with all of the actors.

With all of the crazy things that the world can teach you, here's what I learned from The Affair.

See "sarcasm."

1. "Scotch fixes everything." This theme is repeated in two different episodes. First, when Alison goes for a doctor's visit at Dr. Ullman's office, he offers her scotch for her troubles and her other problem. Then, Max Cadman, Noah's ride or die, tells Noah to calm down and drink this Scotch. These scenes occur in that order in two different episodes.

2. Men Cheat with Ugly Women. First, Noah's father-in-law, Bruce, is the King of pretentious fools everywhere who walk around feeling sorry for themselves because, despite their accolades, they cannot stop thinking about women from their past lives. This is so sad to me. Anywho, here's what Bruce says about the woman he still thinks about (despite being a married man): "she wasn't the prettiest, but she did something to me." This mystery girl inspired Bruce's best-seller! Second, Alison pales in comparison to Helen, in my opinion.

3. Don't Tell Your Significant Other You Cheated. This is a Selfish Act. If I tell you, I will spoil the show for you. Go see for yourself. But both Alison and Noah are warned not to tell their spouses. See what happens next.

4. A Studio is a Stash House for a Mistress. Somehow Alison thought she was above a studio apartment in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Brooklyn. Honey, that's a mistress for ya'!

5. Every Cheater Should Prepare to Pack a Duffel Bag. First, Noah had to pack his duffel bag. Then, Alison had two. Go see how it happened.

If you haven't watched The Affair, take my advice: DON'T (No, go watch)! It's the best trainwreck showing on TV now. If you watch it, "Welcome to the END of the WORLD."

Gotta go. Got some studying to do. But before you go, make sure to check out my shop!